Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
About Deviant Lady of the NightFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 4 Years
Needs Core Membership
Statistics 276 Deviations 1,029 Comments 21,056 Pageviews
×

Newest Deviations

Favourites

Groups

Friends

Activity


Humming. A buzzing high tone like a speaker left on without something playing. Darkness, fading black to grey to fuzzy balls of color. Like a furry Christmas bulb. That’d be pretty. Mouth, dry. Pain? None. General feeling is….. tired. That sound is getting irritating. My arms seem heavy. I can feel pressure with each breath. My legs are tingling, but I can wiggle my toes.

What is that god awful humming?

A few blinks. Good, that cleared up. I’m looking sideways; I must be laying on my stomach. Hm. No wonder it’s harder to breathe. The grass feels kinda itchy; it’s a weird color. Pale green mixed with dirt. Oh. I guess there would be dirt down here. But it’s all stiff and broken. Dead grass.

The sky is a varying grey mottled up like a damp grey comforter. Soft and depressing. Doesn’t smell like rain though. Maybe it is supposed to rain later.

“You’re back.”

I roll to my side. It takes most of my energy. But it brings her into view.

Her hair is gold, long and wavy. The eyes are a grey blue, not very striking for color, but they have an almond shape. Her skin is pale, about seven shades from any remote idea of tan. She isn’t smiling. But for once Samara has no anger in her eyes either.

“Yeah.” It comes as a sigh instead of the statement I intended.

“Things are pretty calm here.” She comments, sitting in the grass in front of me. She picks at it, separating out individual blades and crumbling them between her fingers. The eyes don’t meet mine.

I look at her. Really focus on her. She’s thinner. Dressed relatively modest in a long sweater dress and leggings. There are dark circles, lines of exhaustion in her face. Her elbows rest on her knees as though her body can’t hold up on its own. Samara is weak…

It takes a moment to get my own body into sitting. Legs first, then an arm, then a rock up. Dizziness leaves me nauseous for a moment before vision stabilizes. “Something’s not right.”

“Maybe. But is it that bad?” she questions. Another dried stalk crumbles.

I think for a moment. But a larger question overshadows that thought. Good or bad hardly matters. Things have gone from stable to desolate. What has reduced my mental world to this?

Samara sings softly under her breath, “I like to think that we had it all; we drew a map to a better place...”

“But on that road I took a fall, oh baby why did you run away,” The song plays without a second thought humming along with the reframe she started. "I was there for you in your darkest times, I was there for you in your darkest nights. But I wonder where were you when I was at my worst down on my knees; and you said you had my back...."**

The realization hits like a brick to the face: my little blue pills of sertraline..

They’re strengthening my control. And so… exhausting the rest of my mental power. The more substantial I become, the less they will exist. I might be able to maintain their memory, but the anxiety and darkness which constructed my world will fade. The memories which walk the walls of the theater will becomes mirrors, or books on the shelf of my library.  Slowly this place will deteriorate into pages of my memory…. And with it, all the pain and doubt will become photos on a page; seen but not felt.

Samara’s lips quirk at the corner, an ironic smile. “You don’t need me anymore….”She rises and brushes off. “Ultimately, you never did. But I like to think it helped…. That You helped yourself make it through.” Turning, she walks toward the far grey hills of my fading Fields. “Don’t forget this place. It’ll still be here if you need it again.”

The world begins to fly away like paper confetti. She glances back; for a final time Green meets Blue solidly. She readies her fingers. “Ciara. It’s time to wake up.” With a snap, I am thrown back into reality… and the sound of my phone alarm buzzing that it’s time to start the day.

**Maroon 5- Maps
My son was born on May 23rd. He is healthy and well though I have much less time now. Stories are in progress, but editing has slowed.
My Mother at Diamondhead by IPhantomSilver
My Mother at Diamondhead
I did this last year for her birthday using a pencil and crayons since it was what I had. I had it scanned into my computer and I sent it to her with the original photograph. Unfortunately, my mom passed away on Sunday. I decided to put this one up because it's one of the pictures that I have of her before she got sick and lost her hair.
Loading...
Sad but grateful
Composed but crying
Laughing and hurting
Watching death and life take hold.

The old is passing away
The new is slowly growing
A grandmother to be lost
A son to be born.

Thankfulness for time spent together
Anticipation for the future unformed
Passing the mantle mother to daughter
Greif giving way to joy.
Cycles
Mom is dying. expecting her to pass within week. Mason is due to be born in about 2 months. Many many conflicting emotions.
Loading...
That moment when you find out your mom is dying.... and there are thousands of words flying through your mind but nothing seems to fit.

deviantID

IPhantomSilver
Lady of the Night
United States
I am a general writer and artist with a flare for the written word in the realm of romanticism. I submit things as I get the ideas in my mind; usually they are based off emotions or problems I'm thinking through. Some are merely dreams, others challanges by friends. I do love working by request.

Sometiems I will put up scan ins of my other art, or a digital piece but rarely as the written word is more my forte and outlet for the world. Sometimes I will post up snap shot enterances into my head, such as The Burning Fields or Welcome back to the Theatre. Other times it is poetry or even a short story.

Current Residence: Earth
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M
Favourite genre of music: Classical
Favourite photographer: Guiderelli
Favourite style of art: Digital Fantasy
Operating System: Windows
Favourite cartoon character: Raven (TT)
Personal Quote: Magic is the ability to make the impossible possible.
Interests
Well my lovelies... I guess a status update is in order. As of tomorrow, I am 20 weeks pregnant. On Tuesday, we will be finding out whether its a boy or girl. Kinda hoping for a boy, but I'll still be happy if its a girl. Once we find out, then I'll be informing those who don't know about the baby.

Unfortunately the pregnancy has not been an easy one. I've been hospitalized once cause it's been making me pretty sick. Nosebleeds, throwing up, losing weight instead of gaining... The good news is, that seems to be passing slowly. It's been awhile since I've had problems eating and I'm starting to gain the baby bump like I should. They're a little concerned because I have a 'hole' in my back that's closed over by skin, but it doesn't have anything beneath it but the bone. So... yeah... the little one may be at risk for spinal abiffida. They've run some blood work to find out. If it comes out positive they're gonna want an amino tap to which I say, fuck that. No needle is going into my stomach when it runs the risk of seriously hurting the baby. We'll deal with whatever comes. 

I've been working on the nursery design here and there. We're converting the walk in closet from our apartment; it's about 30sq ft. The only furniture we really plan on having is some storage cubes, a book shelf, and the crib which doubles as a play area/storage. The crib is on wheels so it'll be in the main room during the day. Theme wise, I'm planning an adventure theme. Bright colors of blues, reds, whites, black. Balloons, maps, animals.... think Up status. =] I'm hoping to make it pretty cheerful.

There is... a fear that I've been fighting. A fear that somehow, I'm going to lose the baby. Or that something is going to happen to our little one. Though I know I have very little to fear out here, it's been haunting my dreams recently and more often than not I end up sleeping the rest of the night curled up tight to him or he gets woken up by my whimpering. Hopefully it's just part of the "disturbing dream" phase that happens with most pregnancies (I've had a few of the common ones, like teeth falling out).

Trying to keep a positive go on this. We'll be headed back out in February to pick up a car. His brother is gonna sell us one for about a thousand bucks; since he works repo, he usually has a nice selection that all runs well. Then we'll drive back with his folks. Mine are unfortunately not able to travel; my mom's cancer kicked back up this summer and so she's been going through chemo. Hopefully she'll be done with it before the end of the year. She's going strong as always.

Um... what else... With luck, I'll be going back to school in August to finish out my bachelors and most likely the rest of my program. B. comes back from China in May... N. is graduating highschool... so this year should be much better than last. There is a LOT going on, but I'm always grateful to hear from people... I do keep feelers out even for the people I haven't seen in a while. Hope they keep their chin up and do well.

OH. And there is this freaky game I've come across called Five Night's at Freddy's. For being a simple game, it's creepy as all hell. If you enjoy horror/suspense games.... this ones perfect. Challenge? Play it at night with headphones in. It made one of my friends chuck his phone across the room and flee.

Luck and love to you all. I should have new work up relatively soon, even if it's just nursery designs.
  • Mood: Overwhelmed
  • Listening to: Plagues
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: The Cat lurk under my futon
  • Playing: Five Night's at Freddy's
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Grape Juice

AdCast - Ads from the Community

×

Donate

IPhantomSilver has started a donation pool!
110 / 19,000
I just love the stuff at DA. I can and don't mind working comission for those who donate; just drop me a message on what you would like to see. My photography is a little limited, but I am good at photomanipulate and I LOVE to write pieces like the Theater or Dark Arts which are in my gallary.

You must be logged in to donate.

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2015
Happy birthday :)
Reply
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2015
Happy almost birthday!
Reply
:iconaleccha:
Aleccha Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2015  Student General Artist
Thanks for watching! :hug:
Reply
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014
I finally got that coffee....pumpkin ^.^....the only good thing about fall hahaha....(for me anyway)
Reply
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013
Happy Birthday!!!
Reply
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
Hey :) your almost all old and shit hahaha jk...but happy almost birthday...love and miss you sis... Hope you are having a great time :)
Reply
:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
Thanks sis. :rose: I miss you and I hope all is going well for you. Take care of yourself and I'll see you soon.
Reply
:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
I am so ready for break...this semester is dragging me along painfully haha...I miss talking to you...sorry things have been so crazy...I have every intention of it...I get on Skype...and then something comes up...
Reply
:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013
I hear you when it comes to this semester being painful and crazy. Things here have flown a loop when it comes to work. So much to do and so little time to get it done in.
Reply
:iconsaraya-pfeiffer:
SARAYA-PFEIFFER Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the +fav !! :) (Smile) 
Reply
Add a Comment: