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About Deviant Member Lady of the NightFemale/United States Recent Activity
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“We’re waiting for you.”

I close my eyes. How long has it been since I’ve gone to this place? How long has it been since I decided to show someone else the new interior of my mind? The theater is rebuilt. It’s been sitting here in the dust, gathering the shadows once more. But these are not outer demons which walk the halls. No, these are my own.

Which means I have everything to fear.

A person who is aware of their destructive element is twice as dangerous as the man who walks unaware. The man who is unaware doesn’t know the potential he has. He has never thought about the power he can unleash. But the aware man has. He has considered all the sadistically creative possibilities which exist within him. All it takes is a slight slip of his morals… and he can make a mistake; the transition into darkness.

I have been in the dark. I have created demons, destroyed men and women alike. I can be cruel, cold, efficient. There is a place in my heart that holds ice. Ice is unyielding, bitter, methodical in structure. It is cold. I feel the coldness. I feel her though she was left in stone amongst the burned remains of the theatre. Samara lives still inside my soul.

“Who are you?”

The shadows form her body; supple, yet hard muscle flows her through confident steps. Green eyes bore into me. She is not merciful; she remembers all faults. My own included. Payment comes through pain. She prowls, creating the smoking black circle amongst the ash of the Fields of Desolation.

“Exactly who you are, but not as dark,” I answer her. I walk my own circle amongst the ash, allowing my toes to kick up a small gray cloud against the sticky shadows.

Sardonically, she smiles. “There’s your first lie. I am you. You made me.”

“I did. I also put you away.” Blue against green. White against black. Light against dark. But there are similarities. The pale skin. The stride. The tilting of the lips, the intelligence which sometimes becomes arrogance. And above all, the defiance.

She pauses in her stride, standing across from me. Idly, she considers her new black body suit. It sticks to her body like latex but I know its consistency is more like Kevlar and nylon. “No. I let myself out when you decided to deny your darker qualities once again. We both know how well that worked last time.”

“Things were different then.”

“Things are always different with time. The situation seems remarkably similar. Unkept promises, unhappy loved onces, disappointment waiting to happen…. Come on Ciara how naïve are you?” She laughs bitterly. It sounds surprisingly light for one so cold. “Always clinging to the people in your life as though somehow you won’t get infected by their demons… It’s no wonder you can’t make friends.”

She wants me angry. Anger makes her powerful; it clouds my logic. No. I will not give into that rage despite how her words sting. Humming along to a lullaby forgotten, I smile at her. “Naively hopeful, always,” I muse. “I know my gifts.”

“Secrets.” She spits distastefully.

“Information,” I counter.  “They tell me of their own free will. They give me their demons-”

“Though some would argue you take them-“

“-because I am the only one strong enough to keep them in chains,” I finish firmly. “It’s always been this way. We’re not meant to speak. We’re meant to heal as a burdened soul. To take on what might kill someone else.”

Samara tilts her head, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. The scene around us swirls to be replaced by a black marble chamber beneath the earth. Old antique mirrors stand on all sides. Many have a sheet draped to hide the reflective glass.  “Not all of these are our secrets,” she states softly, seeking confirmation with a glance as she walks between them.

“No.” My admission is reluctant. Some of these secrets are old. Nearly ten years. Fifteen… There was never a point people did not choose to give me their poisonous secrets. The secrets they could not hold in their mental libraries without bursting became a collection in mine. The Hall of Mirrors. The place beneath my library of memories where the repressed are placed to be forgotten. Erased by time. Held locked in my soul.

Green eyes flash to me as her fingers find one of the covered frames. The canvas is tugged away. This mirror holds no memory yet. Nothing is coming out of its shadows. All I see is my reflection in the dusty glass. She stands beside me… then with a step, she melds to me. I feel her beneath the surface of my skin; the green eyes which stare back in the mirror. Ready or not…

I am standing in a peachy pink room. Lace curtains, white blinds, and dark oak furniture are in the room. There is a large pile of stuffed animals on the white bedspread. Fairies stare from the dresser out the window. A white door separates me from the rest of this house. The house I grew up in.

Voices are screaming at each other. My parents and my brother… but I banish that memory into smoke.  I will not give in to fear or anger in my current state. Or it will fester inside of me, become a war I am not ready to fight. An older dog walks up and sits between my legs. It would be easy to mistake her for a border collie, but I know that she’s an Australian Shepard.

Keilo….  The loving dog with no tail. My mama on four legs. She whines, resting her head on my knee. The little stump wiggles in greeting as I scratch behind her ears. She whines again, nudging me. I follow her to the living room, lying on the floor beneath the white popcorn ceiling. Even in my mind, I am tired. Driving back the powerful anger has drained me. But I am still here, successful. With the dog’s warmth beside me, I fall into the quite nothingness of sleep without dreams.
Screaming inside, outside silent;
tears drip beside blood
down my back as leather
bites a little deeper into skin.

Naked outside, dressed by strength;
Vulnerable to rage, hate, lust
crying for forgiveness
sought, not given.

Tortoiseshell bruising, red strips;
sobs alone in an abandoned bed;
soul housed in an empty body;
abuse wrapped in love.

Excuses lined with truth,
marks beneath bright patterns
blinding everyone to the bonds
lying through a smile.

deviantID

IPhantomSilver
Lady of the Night
United States
I am a general writer and artist with a flare for the written word in the realm of romanticism. I submit things as I get the ideas in my mind; usually they are based off emotions or problems I'm thinking through. Some are merely dreams, others challanges by friends. I do love working by request.

Sometiems I will put up scan ins of my other art, or a digital piece but rarely as the written word is more my forte and outlet for the world. Sometimes I will post up snap shot enterances into my head, such as The Burning Fields or Welcome back to the Theatre. Other times it is poetry or even a short story.

Current Residence: Earth
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M
Favourite genre of music: Classical
Favourite photographer: Guiderelli
Favourite style of art: Digital Fantasy
Operating System: Windows
Favourite cartoon character: Raven (TT)
Personal Quote: Magic is the ability to make the impossible possible.
Interests
Hello Da....

It has been awhile since I've journalled. Today, though, I need write. Because today I found out that my mother's cancer, which we thought was gone, has showed up again in another part of her body. Generally, this means that it has gone through the lymphatic system or the blood. Neither are good news. Her surgery is set most likely for ten days from now... Success rate unknown because ovarian cancer has not been known to move to the urinary system.

I do not live near my parents. I am in the middle of some of the hardest summer courses I have ever taken; there are no breaks, a huge amount of material, and required daily labs because its graduate school courses. However, there is also the chance that I will lose my mother to cancer. She would like me to come back. I would like to go back. But I also know that if I do, I will put myself in a dangerous position with catching up. I've been in tears trying to figure out how to do what I need to do.

I am scared. I am afraid of what will happen to my family if my mother dies. I am afraid of losing her. The thought of it is overwhelming. I know it will shatter my dad. He loves her to the ends of the earth. I know my older brother, who is currently out of the country, will not be able to come back if there is a funeral, and he won't know what to do. I worry for my younger brother who is about to experience a third round with watching one of the adults in our household go through cancer, chemo, and surgery.

So I am trying to smile. Trying to find some... well... something to brighten up my day. So I'm trying to find what I'm thankful for, looking for things which are coming that are good. It doesn't take away the pain... but so far, I think it's helping. I'm not crying anymore... and that's always a good thing.
  • Mood: Pain
  • Listening to: Rise- Skilley
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Nothing
  • Playing: Plague
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing

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I just love the stuff at DA. I can and don't mind working comission for those who donate; just drop me a message on what you would like to see. My photography is a little limited, but I am good at photomanipulate and I LOVE to write pieces like the Theater or Dark Arts which are in my gallary.

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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014
I finally got that coffee....pumpkin ^.^....the only good thing about fall hahaha....(for me anyway)
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013
Happy Birthday!!!
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
Hey :) your almost all old and shit hahaha jk...but happy almost birthday...love and miss you sis... Hope you are having a great time :)
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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
Thanks sis. :rose: I miss you and I hope all is going well for you. Take care of yourself and I'll see you soon.
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
I am so ready for break...this semester is dragging me along painfully haha...I miss talking to you...sorry things have been so crazy...I have every intention of it...I get on Skype...and then something comes up...
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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013
I hear you when it comes to this semester being painful and crazy. Things here have flown a loop when it comes to work. So much to do and so little time to get it done in.
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:iconsaraya-pfeiffer:
SARAYA-PFEIFFER Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you very much for the +fav !! :) (Smile) 
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:iconyulile:
yulile Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav C:
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:iconpajunen:
Pajunen Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav!
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2013
miss you sis
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