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About Deviant Lady of the NightFemale/United States Recent Activity
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I got my tuition letter today
when I opened it I cried.
I can never consider going back
unless my baby dies.

I wanted to be a professional
but motherhood as well.
Which I want more
I guess only time will tell.

Everything was going smooth
I'd made it through all four
but now our family is growing again
and I can't do it anymore.

The new sights in my vision
remind me of the past.
Hopefully this move back
will be the only, and last.

Old friends, new circumstance
and many a changed face;
will we manage to fit in
or still be out of place?

This child is a blessing
and a curse in one blow;
if my dream was meant to be
I guess we'll never know.
The turmoil. The bloody turmoil which is choking me. For the first time, I feel again. And I hate it.

There is never a way out. Just a glorified promise of less. They will take your soul, chain it to the lifestyle, and then you'll forever be fighting the misery which holds your back up against the wall.

Despair will turn to anger. And anger will turn to hate.

Staring in the wooden mirror, I critically eye the scars shaping my legs. Each one from another bit of stupidity from this madness. I almost want to laugh. I’ve always been a reckless fool; these are just bitter reminders of the fact. Still, a little makeup can hide them from the world just as a smile can mask even the harshest pain. I am a master of masks.

To them, I am nothing but a sex object. But I don’t care; what should it matter so long as the end goal is met. Let them adore the brokenness. Let them lust after the imperfection which has been tailored to their needs.

Let them look at such a pretty doll. But never let them touch.

A touch ruins the illusion, smears the paint to reveal the sharp jagged edges beneath.

Red or blue polish? For a hundred dollars in an hour, I don’t particularly care. Because I can take myself into a private place which is so comfortably numb that the colors fade away and there is nothing but the quiet. My body will move smoothly with the music, but I’ll be shrouded in silence.

I choose the blue.

Samara sits in the corner of my mirror. Her green eyes show anger, fatigue. Why are you doing this? her expression screams, but her lips are locked shut. I don’t want to hear it; therefore, she can’t say it. She’s as much a painted harlequin as I am. She just danced to different music.

A smooth coat of lotion to close any nicks. Blood isn’t sexy.  A double coat of polish, one of sealant. Two sets of heels, one wedged, one bowed. Three carefully selected shirts; one for each stage of the task.

My gun, Hekate, loaded, cocked, and hidden in the small of my back. My cell is loaded with the information I need. My mouth is loaded with the lie which will take me out the door without suspicion.  It’s a job interview… Maybe if I repeat it enough I’ll believe it too. But it doesn’t matter. Time is up.

When my phone rings, I pick it up after the second buzz. “You owe me for this.”

“Bitch.” How original. It's still going to cost dearly. But you know that already.

“Don’t call me again.” Except we both know you will. Because there is nothing you can’t manage to fuck up. And somehow, that always ends up spilling over to me. The difference is, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix it.

“Just do it.” And now quoting Nike. How cute, in the "I want to rip your eyeballs out with a toothbrush" way.

Hanging up, I pull my keys down, kiss my son good bye and give a lingering kiss to my husband.  I am so sorry…. There was never a choice. He knows my past. He knows what I will do to protect us. “Do you have your gun?” he asks, looking up from his cooking.

“Of course, honey.”

He kisses me on the forehead. “See you when you get back.”

If I can live with myself after.
Lullay moon princess, goodnight sister mine
And rest now in moonlight's embrace
Bear up my lullaby, winds of the earth
Through cloud, and through sky, and through space.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4tyvJ… A hauntingly beautiful listen.
I have added the second to last piece for "They Called Them...." and added "Folding the Map" which corresponds to the "My Mind" series. There may be additional up for My Mind within the week; "They Called Them..." should have a finale up in approximately 3 weeks.

deviantID

IPhantomSilver
Lady of the Night
United States
I am a general writer and artist with a flare for the written word in the realm of romanticism. I submit things as I get the ideas in my mind; usually they are based off emotions or problems I'm thinking through. Some are merely dreams, others challanges by friends. I do love working by request.

Sometiems I will put up scan ins of my other art, or a digital piece but rarely as the written word is more my forte and outlet for the world. Sometimes I will post up snap shot enterances into my head, such as The Burning Fields or Welcome back to the Theatre. Other times it is poetry or even a short story.

Current Residence: Earth
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M
Favourite genre of music: Classical
Favourite photographer: Guiderelli
Favourite style of art: Digital Fantasy
Operating System: Windows
Favourite cartoon character: Raven (TT)
Personal Quote: Magic is the ability to make the impossible possible.
Interests
Well my lovelies... I guess a status update is in order. As of tomorrow, I am 20 weeks pregnant. On Tuesday, we will be finding out whether its a boy or girl. Kinda hoping for a boy, but I'll still be happy if its a girl. Once we find out, then I'll be informing those who don't know about the baby.

Unfortunately the pregnancy has not been an easy one. I've been hospitalized once cause it's been making me pretty sick. Nosebleeds, throwing up, losing weight instead of gaining... The good news is, that seems to be passing slowly. It's been awhile since I've had problems eating and I'm starting to gain the baby bump like I should. They're a little concerned because I have a 'hole' in my back that's closed over by skin, but it doesn't have anything beneath it but the bone. So... yeah... the little one may be at risk for spinal abiffida. They've run some blood work to find out. If it comes out positive they're gonna want an amino tap to which I say, fuck that. No needle is going into my stomach when it runs the risk of seriously hurting the baby. We'll deal with whatever comes. 

I've been working on the nursery design here and there. We're converting the walk in closet from our apartment; it's about 30sq ft. The only furniture we really plan on having is some storage cubes, a book shelf, and the crib which doubles as a play area/storage. The crib is on wheels so it'll be in the main room during the day. Theme wise, I'm planning an adventure theme. Bright colors of blues, reds, whites, black. Balloons, maps, animals.... think Up status. =] I'm hoping to make it pretty cheerful.

There is... a fear that I've been fighting. A fear that somehow, I'm going to lose the baby. Or that something is going to happen to our little one. Though I know I have very little to fear out here, it's been haunting my dreams recently and more often than not I end up sleeping the rest of the night curled up tight to him or he gets woken up by my whimpering. Hopefully it's just part of the "disturbing dream" phase that happens with most pregnancies (I've had a few of the common ones, like teeth falling out).

Trying to keep a positive go on this. We'll be headed back out in February to pick up a car. His brother is gonna sell us one for about a thousand bucks; since he works repo, he usually has a nice selection that all runs well. Then we'll drive back with his folks. Mine are unfortunately not able to travel; my mom's cancer kicked back up this summer and so she's been going through chemo. Hopefully she'll be done with it before the end of the year. She's going strong as always.

Um... what else... With luck, I'll be going back to school in August to finish out my bachelors and most likely the rest of my program. B. comes back from China in May... N. is graduating highschool... so this year should be much better than last. There is a LOT going on, but I'm always grateful to hear from people... I do keep feelers out even for the people I haven't seen in a while. Hope they keep their chin up and do well.

OH. And there is this freaky game I've come across called Five Night's at Freddy's. For being a simple game, it's creepy as all hell. If you enjoy horror/suspense games.... this ones perfect. Challenge? Play it at night with headphones in. It made one of my friends chuck his phone across the room and flee.

Luck and love to you all. I should have new work up relatively soon, even if it's just nursery designs.
  • Listening to: Plagues
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: The Cat lurk under my futon
  • Playing: Five Night's at Freddy's
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Grape Juice

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I just love the stuff at DA. I can and don't mind working comission for those who donate; just drop me a message on what you would like to see. My photography is a little limited, but I am good at photomanipulate and I LOVE to write pieces like the Theater or Dark Arts which are in my gallary.

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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner May 14, 2016
Congrats!
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2015
Happy birthday :)
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2015
Happy almost birthday!
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:iconaleccha:
Aleccha Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2015  Student General Artist
Thanks for watching! :hug:
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2014
I finally got that coffee....pumpkin ^.^....the only good thing about fall hahaha....(for me anyway)
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2013
Happy Birthday!!!
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
Hey :) your almost all old and shit hahaha jk...but happy almost birthday...love and miss you sis... Hope you are having a great time :)
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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
Thanks sis. :rose: I miss you and I hope all is going well for you. Take care of yourself and I'll see you soon.
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:iconsakura2349:
Sakura2349 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013
I am so ready for break...this semester is dragging me along painfully haha...I miss talking to you...sorry things have been so crazy...I have every intention of it...I get on Skype...and then something comes up...
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:iconiphantomsilver:
IPhantomSilver Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013
I hear you when it comes to this semester being painful and crazy. Things here have flown a loop when it comes to work. So much to do and so little time to get it done in.
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